Sunday, 16 October 2011

How Grand Should Our Weddings be ? By Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala

Ever since I have written a few notes on Youth , career and marriages, many

readers often ask me how much should they spend on their wedding.
Some even inquire if it is alright to bow to family pressure if they spend lavishly on the reception (hosted by the bride’s father) and umpteen items on the menu of waleema.  What if our parents can afford the lavish reception (again hosted by the bride’s father)?
    Well there is no upper limit in the hadith as far as the number of invitees in the waleema  are concerned.
One of the son in law of the Prophet was Uthman bin Affan r .a. He married two daughters of the Prophet (pbuh) one after the death of another, and was one of the richest man among the sahaba.  The man who sponsered huge expenditure of one third of the entire Islamic army in one of the battles yet he did not invite the same men in either of his waleema except a handful !
Some thing worth to be noticed.
Abdul Rahman bin Auf r.a. did not invite the Prophet (pbuh) in his weddingand the Prophet did not feel bad about it. Many of us may find this very strange because in our times being invited to a wedding has become a status and previledge.
Our marriages are becoming more complicated. Even a middle class person energetically thinks about the numbers of dishes to serve in his daughter or son’s marraige. Preparations begin months ahead. Expenditure behind the preparation itself runs high. ” So what ? we can afford it ” Comes a common reply. Right. We can afford it.. but if we refer back to the hadith that states that no person will be allowed to move from his place on the day of Qiyamah till he gives the account of where did he spend his money as well. Even if it is your Halal earnings yet it would be required to justify his expenses..
Now  use this hadith as a parameter..Go through the list of the menu of the Reception. 1, 2, 3…6…10….! Chinese, Italian.. Moghlai… count the variety of salads…Just have a look at the stock of ice cream.. I dont mean to say that having ice cream or distrbuting ice creams is haram but look at the way the Ice creams scream in our marraiges.
Consider this.. last week there were news about increase in the rates of milk in Mumbai.. the  house wives who objected increase in the rates of milk, the same house wives are fond of buying icereams worth four times the rates of milk. In Mumbai, one litre of milk costs around a dollar ie. 48 INR,  but one kg of  branded ce cream  costs around 200 /INR i.e. 4 Dollars!
The  AgroMinistry of India say that the ice cream industry is worth 15 billions Rupees in India,  and 40 percent of that ice cream is consumed in the west ern India. From Ahemadabad to Mumbai Ice creams float like foams over sea. In our marraiges ice creams have become a staple food. The rates of ice creams in wedding are quoted higher like the other items in the venue.
How many weddings take place in Mumbai every year?   There are no less than500 wedding Halls in Mumbai alone which cater to higher middle class. How many marriages take place in these halls every year?
In Mumbai Karachi.. in Lahore… keep counting how many guest push down ice creams into their throats after eating chicken tandooris, biryanis, noodles, sikh and shami kebabs….Just one assemble the rest of the expenditure you plan to have in your wedding and think how many days will it  take you to give the accouts to Allah and justify it?
So how grand should your wedding be? Before you answer to your own self, know that there is no grandeur like simplicity.. See you in your wedding….Assalamualaikum..
Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala speaks and writes on socio-educational issues from Islamic perspective. He can be reached at

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