Monday, 26 September 2011

While Choosing a Spouse…Some advice by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala

 What makes a person likeable?
  To reach a proper answer, let us add another
question similar to it.. What makes a dress likeable?  The fitting, its comfort, its looks, style and the pleasure that we get when we wear it makes us like  a particular dress. We carry our clothes upon our body or our clothes are with us  on our body and they hide our physcial weakness and our body.
Allah the Wisest says :
Hunna libaasulakum wa antum lilbasunahunna.. your wives are your garments and you are their garments…
 What makes a person likeable? Let us repeat the question. His deen, his habits, looks (pleasing looks, not glamour) way of speaking, his activities, makes a person lovable or unlovable.
 Like Branded Dresses, some people prefer branded brides and grooms while some prefer rich ones. This is one extreme of choosing spouses.
The other extreme, some girls and boys delay their marriages hoping to be like a branded prospective bride or groom or  wait for a branded wife or a groom.
Many people put forth this hadith as an excuse for delaying marriages :
“O Young Men! Those who can afford, let them marry……” So they say.. “we cant afford.”
I asked a young man when he said, I can’t afford..What do you can’t afford? Luxury? Branded watches and dresses for your wife? Expensive holidays? Tasty Restaurants ? Lavish House? Car?
It is a gross misunderstanding of hadith..
Affordable means  basic amenities, but many young men disqualify themselves by applying the parameters of materialism.
The qualities that are liked by Allah are the qualities that you should look in your prospective spouse. Very Simple?
The Prophet (pbuh) said to Abdul Khair.. You have two qualities that Allah and his Messenger like.. Forbearance and Sabr.. The man asked.. Were they gifted in me or did I acquire them ?.. He replied..They were gifted in you..It is not essential to own  wealth to be a generous.
Hatim Tai was not rich yet his generosity flourished. The Quraish of Makkkah were not the richest tribe of Arabia, yet they provided hospitality to the Pilgrims. In the same way bravery is not always seen in battle field. It can be expereinced in day to  day life too when one confronts a house lizard or cockroaches….!
  What are the benefits of marrying a person of religious inclination?
1. He/ she is in constant touch with Allah through regular salah and dhikr.
2. He/She is charitable towards the needy.. and know that charity drives away calamities, making your life safer.
3. He /She is well mannered… and every body likes a well mannered person. He is welcomed in every gathering and people like him
4.  He/ She will  stop you from committing evil and correct you if you err.
5. He/She will correct himself when pointed or remind mistakes or sins.
6. He/She will stop you from making unIslamic descisions by giving you Islamic inputs
7. He /She will bring up children Islamically, thus a happy old age…
8   ……. 9 …… 10 ….. add your own benefits to the list.
Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala speaks and writes on socio-educational issues from IslamicPerspective. He can be reached at

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