While Choosing a Spouse…Some advice by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala

 What makes a person likeable?  To reach a proper answer, let us add another

question similar to it.. What makes a dress likeable?  The fitting, its comfort, its looks, style and the pleasure that we get when we wear it makes us like  a particular dress. We carry our clothes upon our body or our clothes are with us  on our body and they hide our physcial weakness and our body.

Allah the Wisest says :

Hunna libaasulakum wa antum lilbasunahunna.. your wives are your garments and you are their garments…

 What makes a person likeable? Let us repeat the question. His deen, his habits, looks (pleasing looks, not glamour) way of speaking, his activities, makes a person lovable or unlovable.

 Like Branded Dresses, some people prefer branded brides and grooms while some prefer rich ones. This is one extreme of choosing spouses.

The other extreme, some girls and boys delay their marriages hoping to be like a branded prospective bride or groom or  wait for a branded wife or a groom.

Many people put forth this hadith as an excuse for delaying marriages :

“O Young Men! Those who can afford, let them marry……” So they say.. “we cant afford.”

I asked a young man when he said, I can’t afford..What do you can’t afford? Luxury? Branded watches and dresses for your wife? Expensive holidays? Tasty Restaurants ? Lavish House? Car?

It is a gross misunderstanding of hadith..

Affordable means  basic amenities, but many young men disqualify themselves by applying the parameters of materialism.

The qualities that are liked by Allah are the qualities that you should look in your prospective spouse. Very Simple?

The Prophet (pbuh) said to Abdul Khair.. You have two qualities that Allah and his Messenger like.. Forbearance and Sabr.. The man asked.. Were they gifted in me or did I acquire them ?.. He replied..They were gifted in you..It is not essential to own  wealth to be a generous.

Hatim Tai was not rich yet his generosity flourished. The Quraish of Makkkah were not the richest tribe of Arabia, yet they provided hospitality to the Pilgrims. In the same way bravery is not always seen in battle field. It can be expereinced in day to  day life too when one confronts a house lizard or cockroaches….!

  What are the benefits of marrying a person of religious inclination?

1. He/ she is in constant touch with Allah through regular salah and dhikr.

2. He/She is charitable towards the needy.. and know that charity drives away calamities, making your life safer.

3. He /She is well mannered… and every body likes a well mannered person. He is welcomed in every gathering and people like him

4.  He/ She will  stop you from committing evil and correct you if you err.

5. He/She will correct himself when pointed or remind mistakes or sins.

6. He/She will stop you from making unIslamic descisions by giving you Islamic inputs

7. He /She will bring up children Islamically, thus a happy old age…

8   ……. 9 …… 10 ….. add your own benefits to the list.

Author : Nisaar Nadiadwala speaks and writes on socio-educational issues from IslamicPerspective. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

Reminders from the Sunnah!-"Do you remember to keep in touch?"

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet(saw) said,

“Allah created His creation, and when He had finished it, the womb, got up and caught hold of Allah whereupon Allah said, “What is the matter?‘

 On that, it said, ‘I seek refuge with you from those who sever the ties of Kith and kin.‘

 On that Allah said,

 ’Will you be satisfied if I bestow My favours on him who keeps your ties, and withhold My favours from him who severs your ties?‘

 On that it said, ‘Yes, O my Lord!’

Then Allah said, ‘That is for you.’ “

Abu Huraira added: If you wish, you can recite: “Would you then if you were given the authority. do mischief in the land and sever your ties of kinship. (47. 22)

 Bukhari(Book #60, Hadith #354)

I am sorry..

Image by Reuters

I’m sorry. 

I’m sorry I don’t have the most perfect skin.

I’m sorry I don’t look like a Victoria Secrets model

I’m sorry I don’t have the best style.

I’m sorry I’m not tall.

I’m sorry I’m not perfectly skinny- 5’7 nor 100 pounds.

I’m sorry I have stretch marks here and there. 

I’m sorry I have bad hijab days. 

I’m sorry that I’m plain.

I’m sorry my eyebrows aren’t thin and perfectly trimmed.

I’m sorry my face isn’t caked in make-up.

I’m sorry that I can never meet society’s standards.

But you know what? 

I don’t need to care about society’s criteria. 

I don’t need people to tell me I’m beautiful.

I don’t  need compliments to make me feel better. 

I don’t need a superficial love that can’t withstand a stretch mark here or chub there.

I don’t need to keep sinking into a never ending pit of low self-esteem.

Because I looked to Allah, and He told me the perfect recipe to be Beautiful.

Not just temporarily, but forever. 

“And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace,…” [25:63]

“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate {25:67]

“And he who repents and does righteousness does indeed turn to Allah with [accepted] repentance. And [they are] those who do not testify to falsehood, and when they pass near ill speech, they pass by with dignity. And those who, when reminded of the verses of their Lord, do not fall upon them deaf and blind. And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” Those will be awarded the Chamber for what they patiently endured, and they will be received therein with greetings and [words of] peace.” [25:71-75]

Ya Allah, when the world criticizes me a million times over

Ya Allah, when the world keeps telling me hurtful things

Ya Allah, when the world keeps pushing “ugly” at me.

Give me the courage to hold firm to your Deen. 

Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters. 

Ya Allah, even when everyone leaves my side, let me take comfort in the fact that

You are closer to me than my jugular vein [50:16]

Ya Allah, as long as I am beautiful to you, nothing else matters.

You are closer to me than my jugular vein

Source

"The World is your Mirror"

The good you find in others, is in you too.
The faults you find in others, are your faults as well.
After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well.
The beauty you see around you, is your beauty
. The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you  the person you are.

To change your world, you must change yourself
. See the best in others, and you will be your best
. Give to others, and you will give to yourself. Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful.
Admire creativity, and you will be creative.

Love, and you will be loved.
Seek to understand, and you will be understood.
Listen, and your voice will be heard. Teach, and you will learn.
By Unknown

Trials and tribulations

By Guest Author: Dr Fiaz Fazili

Trials and tribulations is part of this earthly life, and no nation or an individual can escape from them when Allah the Almighty tests by afflictions, whoever He wishes of His servants, with whatever He wishes, whenever He wishes and however He wishes.

A person’s life in this world is never uniform, periods of happiness and dismay, strength and weakness, wealth and poverty, health and sickness etc fluctuate.

An immediate depressed (sad) mood is a normal reaction to disappointments or losses, as sons of Adam are born weak.

Many of us think , “these afflictions”, “Why Me”? So time to hold your soul to account, review your slate; zakat ,sadaqas, prayers, fasting,mistakes , etc.

Syedna Umar ibnul khattab(RA) used to say,”call your souls to account before you are called to account and weigh your actions before you are weighed(on the day of judgment) for that will make the accountability easier for you tomorrow if you call yourselves to account today.”

When problems start afflicting any one of us, he is expected to, “seek aid in patience and prayer”, and “those who are patient will be given their reward in full, beyond reckoning.” (Quran)

The ignorant person due to lack of Imaan(faith) finds himself in misery, fear and grief and helplessness. He or she forgets Allah has decreed these matters to occur and the decisions are His, and His alone.

One can never feel completely at ease unless he has firm belief that whatever has afflicted him was already pre ordained.

” No misfortune can happen on earth or in your souls but is recorded in the book of decree – before We bring it into existence“(Quran 57;22).

And Allah (S) says (which means);

” Certainly, We shall test you with fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits; but give glad tidings to the patient – those who, when afflicted with calamity say,

“Truly to Allah we belong, and truly to Him shall we return.” it is those who will be awarded blessings and mercy from their Lord; and it is those who are the guided ones.”

[ Quran 2:155-157 ]

Jumuah!

Gifts and Gifting : Let us Revive This Sunnah by Nisaar Y. Nadiadwala

One of the greatest qualities of those who are humble is that they accept giftsno matter what their value, and they do not look at their value or whether the giver could have afforded something better than that, rather one should accept it and appreciate it, and feel that the true gift is the love that motivated them to give, not the value of the gift.

Our Beloved Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), despite his high status and lofty position, would accept a gift even if it was a sheep’s foot or a drink of milk.

 It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:  “If I were invited to a meal of a sheep’s foot I would accept, and if I were given a sheep’s foot as a gift, I would accept.”   Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5178).

I once visited one of my relatives who had recently got married and he had his dining hall covered with wall clocks. I wonder at this display. He said.. You see in my wedding most of my friends and relatives gifted me only clocks so I dont know what to do with these clocks...They were thirteen ! Another friend of mine complained that he found most of the gifts only crockery sets in his wedding.

Today gift market has become a huge industry and even small cards are being bought and gifted in millions. Fathers day, mother's day, and all these days fetch a  good harvests for gift shops.

 One of my most precious gifts that have received was  a set of Tafseer Ibn Kathir in English at a time when it was expensive. During my last lecture tour one of my reader gifted me an expensive, rather  a precious wrist watch with honour and affection. This Ramadhan my paternal uncle gifted me a lap top and wants me to use it in the way of Allah.

I too love receive and to give gifts because it is a tradition of Islam and Muslims. Normally I gift dress or books to show my affection.

Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:  “Accept invitations, do not refuse gifts and do not beat the Muslims.” Narrated by Ahmad in al-Musnad (1/404). It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel (6/59).

Our early generations of Muslims were generous in gifting. The best gifts are books, specially good books. Gifting a person is a declaration of affection.

There is a difference between a gift and a charity. Charity is given to the poor and the needy to meet their needs, and is done with the intention of seeking the Pleasure of Allaah. Its intention is not limited to a specific person; rather it is given to any poor or needy one. But a gift is not necessarily given to a poor person, rather it may be given to rich or poor; the intention is to show friendship and to honour the recipient. The Shariah even permits you to exchange gifts with the Non Muslims too.

Some of us gift away those things which we ourselves do not want or do not like.. well an ideal gift would be some thing you like and you gift it away or you gift to some one a thing he needs most, By this gesture you can see an immense pleasure on his face and a strong dua from him as well.. So  begin gifting generously..ahem ahem anybody with a gift for me ?

Author :Nisaar Nadiadwala speaks and writes on socio-educational topics from Islamic perspective. He can be reached at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com

Is money everything???

“Your beliefs determine your prosperity.”

People who believe money is the only measure of prosperity are likely to spend their lives falling short.

Conversely, those who see prosperity in terms of wealth of happiness, tend to believe their lives are full of riches, which in itself attracts more and more.

Today, take stock of what you have in your life. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, put your attention to the rewards you have already received and those that are all around you waiting to be appreciated.

Reflect on your loved ones, your surroundings and your talents – for you are prosperous indeed.

©Jane Powell

Strong Imaan Versus Weak Imaan

Marriage: The right course for humanity

By SHEIKH MUHAMMAD AL-GHAZALI

Islam encourages marriage making it the way to build a solid and well-knit society. It is the only legitimate way to satisfy the sexual desire which Islam accepts as natural and healthy. It does not approve of relations outside marriage. Marriage is the proper way to build a family, which is the basic unit of society. It urges people to choose good marriage partners, seeking God’s help in doing so. When the choice is made and the official steps have been taken, marital life should start with the remembrance of God.

It is recommended that when the bridegroom meets his bride for the first time after the wedding ceremony, he should place his hand on her forehead and say:

“In the name of God. May God bless each of us for his and her partner.”

The bridegroom should then say:

“My Lord, grant me the best in her and the best that you placed in her nature. I appeal to You to protect me against her worst and the worst that you placed in her nature.”

She should say the same prayer. No one should wonder at such a prayer at such a time. Every one of us has weaknesses that are better kept unexposed. Anyone who claims to be perfect suffers from great delusion. Even when the married couple are very close, the continuity of their love and happiness requires them to focus on their partners and to pray God to help them maintain their piety.

A unique feature of Islam is that it surrounds man’s natural needs and his satisfaction with remembering and glorifying God. When we eat or drink, we begin by mentioning God’s name. Likewise, when a married couple have sex, they should mention God’s name. The Prophet says: “When any of you is about to have sex with his wife, he should say: ‘Our Lord, protect us from Satan and protect what you grant us from him. Should a child be the result on this occasion, that child will not be harmed by Satan.”

While sex is a pleasurable pursuit, it is right that it must be kept within marriage so as to bring about a family, which requires steady striving. Such are the pleasures of this life: They are always attended by hard struggle. In this case it starts with the woman as she struggles through her pregnancy. She then endures the pains of childbirth and the burden of breast-feeding. The father has then to strive hard in order to provide for his family and bring up his children. Hence, it is important to always seek God’s help to relieve our pain and to facilitate our purpose. The Prophet taught us numerous prayers and supplications to ensure that.

Let us quote a few:

“My Lord, I seek Your grace. Do not leave me to my own devices for even a twinkle of an eye; and set all my affairs on the right course. There is no deity other than You.”

“My Lord, You are the Ever-Living, the Eternal Master of all. I urgently appeal to You to bestow Your mercy on me”.

“My Lord, there is no deity other than You. All glory be to You. I have been a wrongdoer.”

By making marriage the rule of life and the legitimate way to satisfy the sexual desire, Islam steers a middle way between religions that shun the sexual desire and urge their followers to suppress it, and permissiveness that makes everything acceptable. To suggest that suppression of the sexual desire is a mark of true piety is wrong and has no foundation. Likewise, permissiveness ushers numerous problems. It is only through a mutually caring relationship of marriage that man finds a happy middle way. Hence, this is the way approved by Islam.